Maplewoods Mirror #3

 

SURPRISE DATE
 
One day last March at the post office in South Pasadena, I saw a banner across the street.  
The banner hung over the large arched doorway for the Fremont Centre Theatre, advertising 
a play I loved, Three Hotels by Jon Robin Baitz.  I’d never seen a play there, but the grand white 
building with palm trees and a green lawn reminded me of Hotel California—a perfect place for a 
play.  
 
On the end of the same building stood a French-looking café called Bistro K.  I’d walked by it at 
night before, the outside edged in white Christmas lights, and inside every white-clothed table 
glowed with candles.  These two things, I thought, could make for the ideal Surprise Date.  
My wife Ann created the Surprise Date.  She had twice taken me out for evenings of the unknown.  
She simply had said hop in the car, and she’d do something wonderful to me.  (Men love hearing this 
stuff.)  Her rules were simple: take the other person somewhere that is both unusual and that the other 
person might like without letting on where we were going at all.  Thus, going to the same cinema complex 
would not be much of a surprise.  If I took her to a place that featured pole dancers, it’d be a surprise, but 
not something she’d crow about being special.  
 
The goal is for both people to have a great time.  If your partner doesn’t like surprises or letting go of control, 
well, that’s a problem.
     
The first time, she whisked me off to her childhood home in Whittier—a place I’d heard about but never seen.  
Founded by Quakers in 1887, Whittier is a town just south of Los Angeles where Richard Nixon had spent his 
formative years in high school and college.  In his famous “Checkers” speech, he said, “Our family was one of 
modest circumstances, and most of my early life was spent in a store out in East Whittier. It was a grocery store, 
one of those family enterprises.” What Nixon didn’t know was how the town influenced Ann, too.  I saw the sidewalks 
where Ann walked to elementary school and I viewed the high school where she had smashed a cream pie in the face 
of the student president.  (She’d been mad.  I take that as a warning.)  We ate dinner at an Italian restaurant with 
murals of fountains on the walls.  For my second surprise evening, we ended up eating dinner with my friend who 
was famous for not giving dinners. He had a new girlfriend, however, and for her, he’d do anything.  People do 
funny things while dating.
 
I was so sure that Bistro K and the Fremont Centre Theatre made the ideal date that I zipped across the street 
to set it up for the coming Friday night.  I was able to get the last reservation, and the maitre ‘d said I could 
bring my own bottle of wine, no corkage fee.  Wow.  I was also able to get one of the last sets of tickets at the 
theatre.  Clearly, the universe was providing.
 
That Friday, I told Ann to dress up as I was taking her for a surprise dinner and maybe more.  I drove the long 
way around.  No, we weren’t going to Home Depot or Target when she guessed those.  
 
We sat down in the white table-clothed, candlelit room of the Bistro K.  Our server opened our bottle of wine.  
Ann looked at the menu, her eyes went wide, and she said she couldn't eat there.  I said we had to--that I 
made reservations for the play next door, too.
 
"Braised pig's feet?" she said.  "Pig's ears?  Pigeon?  What am I going to eat?"
 
"It's French," I said.  "There has to be something."
 
"Veal cheeks?  Braised duck tongues?  Bits of Bambi?"
 
"Anything's good with sauce."
 
"It's the menu from hell."
 
Our waiter, a man in black, swept in with a big smile.  "Are you ready to order?" he asked.  I could tell Ann 
would never be ready.
 
Here's the menu, which I got online:
 
1st COURSE
 
Stuffed Duck Hearts with Foie Gras served with Braised Duck Tongues with a
Light Balsamic Vinegar Jus          $11.95
 
Leek and Haddock Terrine, Chervil Aigrellete Sauce and Quail Eggs in
Brioche  $8.95
 
Terrine of Violet Scented Sonoma Duck Foie Gras served with a Violet
Martini  $14.95
 
Torchon of Sonoma Duck Foie Gras with Boston Lettuce and Toast    $13.95
 
Poached Hen Eggs, Black Truffle Oil, Spanish Chorizo and Date "Ragout" in a Light 
Chestnut Nage         $7.95
 
Steamed Black Mussels with Lime, Ginger, Curry and Coconut Milk    $8.25
 
Thin Tart of Thai and Japanese Eggplants, Brandade of Salt Cod and Marinated 
Pequillos (Allow 15 Minutes)         $8.95
 
Cassolette of Artichoke Confit with Basil and California Goat Cheese   $10.95
 
Duck Gizzard Confit Sautéed with Cep Mushrooms, Anaheim Chiles on a Bed of 
Winter Greens lightly dressed with a Black Truffle Oil and "Griotte" Vinegar 
Vinaigrette $8.95
 
Sautéed Duck Foie Gras, Lightly Smoked Eel, Caramelized Green Apples and a 
Splash of Xeres Vinegar         $14.95
 
Frisée Salad tossed in Pomegranate Vinaigrette, Sweet Corn Tamale "Elote" and "Selles 
Sur Cher" Goat Cheese ripened by Nicole.       $8.50
 
Pig's Ears Terrine and Sautéed Snail Simmer in a red Pasilla Infusion, Winter Leaves with 
Sweet Garlic Chinese Yellow Chives Italian Parsley Coulis Dressing     $8.95
 
"Tian" of Dungeness Crab and Pistachio Bavarois, Grapefruit Jelly, Chives, "fleur de Sel" 
and Grilled Pistachio Oil      $12.95
 
FISH
 
Hawaiian Blue Shrimp served with Braised Pork Feet on Chick Pea Galette and
Nutmeg Roasted Asparagus        $19.50
 
Sautéed Atlantic Monkfish in an Oat Meal Crust, Banana Squash Puree and a
Celery Cream Infusion          $19.95
 
Seared Diver Sea Scallops served with House "Tripes" and Cumin
Crisp   $21.50
 
Atlantic Skate Wing, Szechwan Pepper Corn, Braised Fennel and Saffron
Jus  $17.95
 
Fresh Eel from New Zealand braised in Red Wine Sauce "Matelote Style", Pearl 
Onions, "ventreche" and Black Trompette Mushroom (allow 15 minutes)  $17.95
 
MEAT, FOWL AND GAME
 
Sautéed Veal Sweetbread and Hawaiian Blue Shrimp, a light Curry, Lemon
Grass, Lemon Leaf, Ginger, and Thai Basil Infusion, on a bed of Soba Noodles   $18.95
 
Braised Wild Boar Osso Bucco, Salsify Bouquet with Roasted Pasilla Peppers, 
served with a Cassis Infusion        $19.95
 
Roasted Whole East Cost "Female Pheasant", (serve 2 people. 
Price is per person) Lemon Leaves Infusion, Cep Mushrooms Medley. 
Chinese Leeks to Compliment (allow 20 Minutes ) $19.50
 
Wood Pigeon from Scotland, roasted whole, with Sautéed Cabbage, Cabbage Salad
Dressed with Wood Pigeon Liver Vinaigrette, and Huckleberry Gnocchi (allow 
15 Minutes)         $24.95
 
Braised Veal Cheeks with Braised Endives, Mace Scented Potato Mousseline and 
Grilled Chitlin Sausage        $19.95
 
Roasted Squab, Tasmanian, Szechwan and Telecherry Peppercorn Spiced Japanese
Eggplant, Dry Sack Sherry Sauce scented with Tonka Bean Dust   $20.95
 
Roasted Goat served with Green Lenti Marmite and a side of Green Garlic Gratin       $19.95
 
Venison "Noisette", Today's Freshest Sautéed Wild Mushrooms served with Sautéed
Parsnip sprinkled with Bitter Cocoa. A Cardamom Infusion with Huckleberries 
to Complement          $23.95
 
Grilled Hanger Steak, Natural Jus and Mashed Potatoes     $18.75
 
FROM THE GARDEN
 
Bistro K house Salad       $6.50
Soup of The Day        $6.50
Artichoke Confit with Basil and California Goat Cheese   $9.95/16.95
Hearts of Romaine, Caesar Dressing, Asiago Cheese   $7.50/12.95
Penne Regate, Pesto, Parmesan, Tomatoes and Garlic Confit  $7.95/15.00
 
Did you catch the Tonka Bean Dust?  I grew up near the Tonka Toy factory on Lake 
Minnetonka, Minnesota, but I don’t remember any beans growing near by or dust 
being gathered for gourmands.  Does one buy Tonka Bean Dust in a jar?  I’m thinking 
baggy.  Two fingers worth for $10.
 
Starting the menu off with stuffed duck hearts can be off-putting—and why wrap them 
in duck tongues?  Was this the Duck Mafia intimidating us?  Duck gizzards weren’t high 
on our list, and duck livers, no way.  Too much duck.  Then I saw something I could eat--
shrimp!  I eat shrimp.  But it came with braised pig's feet.  Now I was feeling we were at 
the black market animal body parts cafe.  
 
"One note of caution," said our waiter.  "The pigeon sometimes still has buckshot in it, 
so you have to eat it carefully."  
 
I saw that everything there one had to eat carefully.
 
"Would you like to hear our special tonight?" asked the waiter.
 
"Sure," I said.
 
"Lupin fish with frog's legs and lobster in a Martinique sauce with shallots."
 
Of course, I asked what a Lupin fish was, and he said it was a delicate fish 
with a yellow texture. I didn't like the idea of poor frog's legs on it, though.  
Then a thought hit me.  If there are forty diners a night, and no one orders 
frogs legs, what did the kitchen do with the legs?  Wrap them in Saran Wrap 
for another night?  Would we be getting very old frogs legs?
 
"What is artichoke 'confit'," I asked.  "I know what an artichoke is, but not confit."
 
"It is boiled in its own juices," he replied.
 
Even poor artichokes had to die in their own juices?  However, I said, "I've never 
particularly thought of artichokes as juicy, but I'll start with that."
 
Ann began with asparagus soup.  After tasting it, she liked it, saying it didn't 
have an overly strong asparagus taste.  She happened to go the bathroom shortly 
after eating her soup, so, upon her return, I asked if she peed funny.
 
"What do you mean 'peed funny'?" Her look suggested I’d gone over the line 
in intimacy.  
 
"When I eat asparagus, it seems seconds later my pee smells kind of--"
     
"I know what you meant.  I was just being a brat.  And, no, it didn't smell 
funny."
     
For our main course, Ann could not order a single entrée.  Rather, she 
went with a bowl of pesto pasta, and I went with the hanger steak, which 
seemed safe, but then it came with vegetables I'd never eaten.  I don't 
even know what I ate, actually.  Carrot, I know, but then there was a big 
nearly clear block of something that was stringy, and there was something 
that looked oniony but was not in layers and was potato shaped.  I had 
to ask the waiter what one thing was.  "Parsnip," he said.
     
The vegetables were all good, but just an array of tastes I'd never had.
     
For dessert, Ann had something with all Spanish words, which the 
waiter described as a dessert tamale.  "It comes with a little square 
of Jack fruit, which is strong and delicious.  Save it for last."  When 
it came, it was wrapped in a cornhusk and looked like a main course, 
not dessert.  She took a taste and said it was like sweet corn mush.  
Ann then tried the Jack fruit and shivered.  It was strange and strong.  
"It's like Pinesol fruit," she said at last.
     
I had the Chocolate Marquise, which was supposed to be a mousse so 
thick, it was like cake.  It came with bits of dried meringue, raspberries, 
blackberries, a coffee sauce of some sort.  It was fine but had too many 
tastes and not enough chocolate.
     
In all, it was an adventure.  However, as we walked next door to the 
theatre, Ann said her stomach felt upset.  But we have a play to go to, 
I thought.  I asked the ticket lady if we could change our tickets for 
the next day’s matinee, mentioning we'd just eaten next door and 
Ann was feeling poorly.
     
The woman nodded knowingly and happily exchanged the tickets.  
Ann soon felt nauseated and went to bed early.  She woke up laughing 
about the evening, so that was good.  “Memorable,” we’ll call it.  
     
But for our next surprise date, I won’t try my luck with skydiving.  
 
 
LISTMANIA
 

What’s your favorite fiction?  What are your favorite books?  I’ve had a heck of a time obsessing over a selection of novels I’d like to teach in my freshman English classes.  For the fall semester, I settled on The Kite Runner by Kahled Hosseini and Drowning Ruth by Christina Schwartz.  The next semester, I’m going to try Nick Hornby’s A Long Way Down and Will Clarke’s Lord Vishnu’s Love Handles.  

 

The trick is to find books that are contemporary, involving, start off with a bang, are rich in character, and yet are deep enough thematically to discuss in college.  While I’ve used a few mysteries over the years, they weren’t deep enough thematically.  The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho, was a hit for some (“best book ever!”) and and a miss for others (“huggy-feely New Agey”).  I’m part of the latter group, but I tried the book out anyway.  

 

Other books such as Big Fish by Daniel Wallace were good but not captivating enough for stunning discussions.  To see the books that my students loved (and I adore), causing nearly everyone to read every word, click here: http://www.amazon.com/gp/richpub/listmania/fullview/R1V0B2EOFDH2MA/102-0019062-6036158

 

Making that list inspired me to make another.  My list of the best literary short fiction can be seen at: http://www.amazon.com/gp/richpub/listmania/fullview/R3RV1SGQAZ5U0/102-0019062-6036158.  Both of the lists are part of Amazon.com’s Listmania.  Make your own lists there.  Tell people what you like. 

 

 

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LETTER TO THE EDITOR

 

I received my first letter to the editor.  Here it is:

 
Dear Chris:
 
Your letter's opening comments about readings and book signings had me laughing.  Of course, 
our takes on them are very similar and you know I covered my rather negative take on these 
forms of promotion in The Frugal Book Promoter.  
     
You talked about the ways that readings and signings can overcome sparse (and yawning) 
audiences.  One of those ways is, of course, the work that the author herself does to make 
a reading hospitable. Carolyn See had taken pains to treat her guests like, well...guests.  
Good food. Probably invitations sent, thus a warm, receptive response from the audience.  
     
The UCLA reading at the Skirball utilized my favorite form of successful promotion--cross 
promotion.  Imagine! More than 20 UCLA instructors/authors working together, inviting, 
reading, sending out media releases, etc!  Perfect!  
     
There is one additional aspect of the most successful bookish occasions and that's to hold 
them in your own little pond--that is cities or neighborhoods where you have tons of 
personal contacts who will help make it a success.  
     
I have a few other surefire ways that these kinds of events can succeed and the authors 
among your readers can find them in my blog--a very focused one on this subject!  It's 
at http://redenginepress.com/chjohnson.  Check out the catalog and CD ideas!  
     
Oh, and one more thing. Carolyn See has paid her dues, built a loyal following by strength 
of writing and strength of personality.  Overnight successes (and brilliant book signings) 
only appear magical. They are rarely that easy, almost always they're hard work! 
 
Best,
 
Carolyn Howard-Johnson, Author 
The Frugal Book Promoter: 
How To Do What Your Publisher Won't
 
HOW TO WRITE A GREAT MEDIA RELEASE
 
Some of you who read this may be writers looking toward the future—or for that matter, 
you may be filmmakers, musicians, or an artist of any sort who could use publicity.  
The hardest part certainly is creating a good product in the first place, but your work 
isn’t done.  You need to promote it.  Even if you have an agent, publisher, or publicist, 
you can help things along, which is what Carolyn’s book above is about.  
 
When I was the Institute Writer at CalArts, besides writing articles, I wrote press releases 
(now called media releases).  There’s a true art to a good release, mainly because people 
who receive them get them by the boatload.  Editors are inundated.  Hence, you need to 
stand out.  A good release does three things:
 
1)     Hooks the reader (like almost everything else you write).
2)     Makes the news seem important and worthy.
3)     Is one page.
4)     Has easy-to-find contact information.
 
To hook the reader, you need a great headline and a strong first sentence or two.  A great 
example is one I received from Carolyn recently (the writer above), headed by huge that 
said MEDIA RELEASE.
 
As you look at the release below, see how the headline and sub-headline hook.  “Listen 
While You Surf” makes me curious.  “Calling All Authors” puts me in her group.  I instantly 
think, Is this for me?  In her first paragraph, she gives the basic and most important 
information.  If no one reads any farther, the information is given.  
 
In her next paragraph, not one but two books are promoted.  It shows she’s prolific, 
helpful, and literary.  The last three paragraphs give her credentials.  
One of the paragraphs is highlighted—another tool. 
 
While I’m helping her in a small way showing it here, the main thing I want you to 
realize is you can use your writing abilities to help yourself.  
 

 

For Immediate Release

Contact: Carolyn Howard-Johnson

E-mail: HoJoNews@aol.com

 

Listen While You Surf

 

Calling All Authors

Features Frugal Author

 

Carolyn Howard-Johnson will be interviewed on "Calling All Authors," a Global Talk Radio show (www.globaltalkradio.com/show/callingallauthors), Tuesday, July 18, 5 pm Pacific Saving Time (7 pm Central).

 

"Calling All Authors" originator and host Valerie Connelly (also an author, publisher and founder of Nightengale Press) and Howard-Johnson will discuss promotion ideas from Howard-Johnson's award-winning book The Frugal Book Promoter: How to Do What Your Publisher Won’t, which was named USA Book News “Best Books 2004” in the professional book category and won the Irwin Award, the Book Publicists of Southern California's most prestigious award. Those calling in on 800-773-0355 (Outside the USA:  1-310-328-9300) may prefer to ask question about her award-winning novel, This is the Place, especially since Big Love has become such a hit on HBO. The novel is set in Mormon country.

 

"Calling All Authors" focuses on authors and publishing experts who reveal lessons learned in writing and publishing and explain marketing hurdles they have overcome. The program was a natural extension of the concept of author-centric publishing that characterizes Nightengale Press. These informative programs target both published and aspiring authors who are looking for a reasonable way to get their books into print and/or into the marketplace. Those interested can access past programs at www.globaltalkradio.com/show/callingallauthors .

G here to your website and e-mail it to everyone on Planet Earth!!

Howard-Johnson, an instructor at UCLA Extension’s Writers’ Program, chose to have her how-to book for authors published in both e-book format and paperback in order to give both emerging authors and her struggling students affordable (Frugal!) and convenient choices. Her novel won eight awards, her book of creative nonfiction, Harkening: A Collection of Stories Remembered won three and her chapbook of poetry, Tracings, was named to the Compulsive Reader's Ten Best Reads of 2005.

 

The California Legislature recently named Carolyn Woman of the Year in Arts and Entertainment. She is the first author to be so honored. Her hometown's Character and Ethics Committee honored her for her work with tolerance and the Pasadena Weekly named her to their list of "San Gabriel Valley women who make life happen" for literary activism

 

Howard-Johnson’s poetry has appeared in literary journals like the Mochila Review, Banyan Review and Poetic Voices and she has worked for Good Housekeeping Magazine and as a journalist for several newspapers. She is the founder of Authors' Coalition ( http://authorscoalitionandredenginepress.com ) and editor of the newsletter for that organization as well as a blog ( http://redenginepress.com/chjohnson ) that helps authors turn a dull book fair booth into a sizzling success.

 

Learn more about Carolyn Howard-Johnson at http://www.tlt.com/authors/carolynhowardjohnson.htm.

 

Learn more about Nightengale Press at: http://www.nightengalepress.biz/ or http://www.nightengalemedia.com/  and Valerie Connelly at http://www.valerieconnelly.npauthors.com/

 

 

MY BOOKS

 

There’s nothing to report this month on The Middle-Aged Man and the Sea, as I needed to focus my attention on finishing my newest novel, Falling Down Mt. Washington.  I’m only two scenes away from finishing my first draft, and I’m 288 pages in so far.  Of course, there’s a lot of work to be done in a second draft, but the hardest for me to write is the first.  If you have birthday presents to give this month, consider a middle-aged man.

 

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