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Each semester in our "Genders" course we offer students the opportunity to organize and participate in a phenomenal learning experience: a Gender-Bending Ball. For this semester's Ball both Richard and I bent femme. Allison Sandera 5/15/01 “From participating in the Gender-Bending Ball I learned the extent to which gendered experiences vary. I was aware of such variation before I came to the Ball but I didn’t have such an experience to support the ideas that I had. I arrived a little skeptical about my dress, but I left feeling liberated and free. The event definitely transformed my sensibilities in that sense that I now found an aspect of freedom that I never knew.”
Jane Bosio 5/9/01 “The most interesting thing to me was taking up Amber's challenge to be the person i would be if i were a man. I tried hard not to be a stereotype of a man, but to be ME, with 'man' characteristics. All weekend i watched the men i know and hang out with - guys i like and would hope that i would be like as a man. They were not macho or demeaning, lovers of the patriarchy or any of the other stuff i dis-like about men - but there are many subtle differences between them and me...socialization things about the way they move, react, their level of comfort with intimacy and touch - it was really interesting. AND i had fun!!” Ann Morrissette 5/9/01 “First, let me just say that I had a blast at the ball, and seeing so many people dressed up was awesome- and made me happy to have been involved with the organizing. During the night, I felt comfortable, but I didn't really feel "like a man." I think I felt more like I was playing a character- the "executive man"- which I think is easier when it's your first time crossing. It's very hard to imagine what kind of person I would be if I were a man, so it was easier to grasp onto a "character" that I could easily embody. It was scary to see how comfortable I felt as the embodiment of the white capitalist supremacist patriarch. But, to somewhat redeem myself, some of it did have to do with the clothes rather than the persona. The fact that my men's clothes weren't necessarily there to "enhance" or "show off" my body was so FREEING. When I got back into my usual clothes at the end of the night, they felt tight and constricting, and I felt slightly uncomfortable. I have begun to question how conditioned my standards of femininity and beauty are. This class- and last night's experiences- are changing my sensibilities BIG TIME. We all have the possibility of bending both ways, half way, in between, neither way- regardless of our biological ‘nature’." Twylla Jackson (far left) “I would just like to express how much I enjoyed the Ball. It was a blast, very empowering to me as a woman posing as a man. My walk from the car to class was decidedly off, the driving of my Z, the head held down as I walked, the slight huskiness in my voice when I spoke. Many people did not recognize me, or asked if I were in the class, and even assumed that I was a man. That gave me a boost, big head that I could pull this off for one evening of fun. Would I be comfortable doing this on a regular basis?? I don't know. I felt damn good, feeling in control and not caring what I did, or said. Is it okay to feel like that for one evening?” Danny_k Joung 5/12/01 ”Tuesday night was fantastic. The week before the ball, i was really looking forward to the event but i got nervous as the night came closer. i guess it was worrying about what to wear and wondering what and how other people would think and a whole bunch of other crap. anyway when i went to the store to find an outfit, i had fun trying on 20 different outfits. as i was trying on the different clothes, i approached it like any other shopping activity, i told her, "no its ugly", "do you have it in another color?", "man, that’s ugly" "i can't fit into that!" and i have a feeling my approach was a way of helping me deal with the embarrassment of shopping for a dress in front of three dozen people. i ended up picking a boring black dress. Aside from the first 20 yard walk from the bathroom to the classroom where i felt a bit nervous about walking out into a hall full of students studying, the night itself was awesome. i felt safe... and comfortable and i had a genuinely great time. but the reason for my comfort was that i was in a safe and non-judgmental environment where everybody else was cross-dressed or dressed uniquely. honestly, dressing as a woman that night was neither empowering nor disempowering, it just was.... fun.” Zoe Yuzna 5/15/01 “From the time that I was able to choose the ways that I would express my gender, I chose to dress masculine to androgynous, engage in stereotypically masculine or gender-neutral activities and socialize with boys as friends over girls. I never chose femininity. When my “fear of femininity” started to limit me, I made a conscious effort to branch-out—not to become an “uber-chick” but not to be so self-confined. I had forgotten about this change until last week when I saw people’s reactions at the Ball. From talking to classmates, I realized that I am thought of as a pretty feminine person, which isn’t a crazy idea to me now but is interesting in regards to my past identity. I arrived thinking that dressing as a boy would be no big deal. When I started seeing classmates, I felt a bit awkward because of the attention I was receiving. Over all however, I felt at home it my “boy clothes.” I forgot that I was dressed-up. The Ball didn’t transform my sensibilities but made me more conscious of them.”
Pamela Fraker 5/15/01 “Wow…so the “power” is in the freedom to bend, right? Because I certainly didn’t feel any power in my similarly ultra-femme transformation. My costume made me feel like I was going to fall over, literally, and figuratively. I think the difference in a man’s and woman’s experience of an ultra-femme evening serves to expose the true disparity in power between “men” and “women”. He felt empowered, and rightly so, because he was brave enough to abandon the power that he is automatically granted as a man. (Just as people who put themselves in a “helpless” position to the elements and climb Mount Everest feel brave, and thus empowered) I felt exposed, and rightly so, because everyone saw how deeply I really fit into the “realm of powerlessness”. I am obviously a woman, but not a very “feminine” one. My choice not to display intense femininity really does cut down on the amount of disrespect thrown my way. MORE FEMININE=LESS RESPECT. It’s not that simple, right? Sometimes it feels that way. I am sure that no one in this class is now going to respect me less because they know I can “do the woman gender role really well”. But my gut instinct, cultivated over years of being socialized in a sexist society, tells me otherwise. Should I have been scared? Of course not. But I was terrified.”
STUDENTS FROM WOM ST 8 CRASH THE BALL
Ryan Norton (far right blond) “I thought that the gender-neutral dating game and the ball were both very positive experiences. It was for me not the first time I had gone through the experience of gender crossing. I had a similar exercise in high school. I remember then being very uncomfortable, at the time I was 17 and was not as confident in myself or my masculinity. This time was different. At the age of 27 I have am much more confident in both aspects of my life. I got dressed at home and had no problem walking the five blocks to class. Yes, I did get some strange looks, but at the same time I am secure enough with myself that it didn't bother me. People who make malicious comments only demonstrate their own ignorance not my sexuality or gender. I think that this was a very positive experience and indeed has the power to change one’s sensibilities if one allows oneself to participate fully in the exercise.”
KEVIN CHICAS (right in photo): “I Am Woman, Figuratively Speaking. Heels. Blush. Dress. Pearls. Lipstick. Accessories. Elements of a persona outside myself...a taboo alter ego within my contextual constraints...I felt pride. Arrogance. Beauty. Gone in the gender-bending concrete box was the hour of twisting, pulling strands of cloth around my skin...of having exhaustive layers of chemical powder cloud and cover my face...tinges of embarrassment perhaps? Insecurities? A little...fear? Beforehand, I looked in the mirror, muttered a deep "hello," with a bit of satisfaction that the transformation wasn't complete. But deep within the recesses of my consciousness, I wanted to feel the transformation take place. To get a sample taste of the other side. To feel what those around me have sold their soul to the genetic devil for their existence...to walk the walk, talk the talk. Without remorse. Without fear of the bound citizens of the Divided States of the Americas to scream at me, brand me, provoke me, hurt me, kill me. Fuck them. I felt the power again. I feel renewed. Alongside friends who had joined me in this priceless endeavor. Alongside strangers who had joined me in their high heels, their baggy pants, their plastic appendages. They love me. They are at awe over me. They love me. They want the woman outside. They desire the woman inside. They yearn for the woman inside and outside their prejudices, their biases, their stereotypes, and their predispositions. Blush at the compliments? Why not? You like them don't you...keep walking through the runway...scream bloody happiness through the blinking lights and disco music. Ah, the sounds and the sights. I have transformed myself again. The dress lays against a bundle of dirty clothes, but not entirely. The makeup is cleansed off the face, but not entirely. For I still feel it, still feel it as I dry my face, put on a t and pair of shorts...onto the hazy bedroom mirror. The broken mirror is myself. And there I see me. For I am woman, figuratively speaking.”
Thanks to the planning committee for the Gender-Bending Ball!
Richard's gender-bender was inspired, in part, by the character of Molina in "Kiss of the Spider Woman."
TAKE THE CLASS: WOM ST 10 # 4642 FALL 2001 Thursday evenings
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RICHARD AMBER
ALISON JANE
ANDRIA ANN-SOPHIE
Richard and some the FEMALE MEN at the Gender-Bending Ball.
DANNY
ZOE KATE
LICHA
MARYBETH ANDRIA
CAN YOU IDENTIFY THE male woman IN THE FRONT ROW?
JUST A COUPLE OF GUYS ?
JUST A COUPLE OF GALS?
MORE PHOTOS:
AMBER ALLISON
KRISTI
PACO, ZOE and LARRY outside the BALL
LAURIE (bottem left), JENNIFER (top right) & FAMILY
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